its because of u

Baby,



I am impressed to be your lady,
happy to be your girl.
overjoyed to be your partner
and ecstatic to be on your team.

I'm glad to have bumped into you,

to have caught your eye,
to have made you wonder,

and now I'm like OMG that you made me smile.



Now that your in my life,

I have a reason to smile,

a reason to dance,

a reason to laugh,

but most of all a reason to love you from my soul.


I am eager to trust you,

longing to touch you ,

anticipating kissing you,

hate when I miss you,



But overall, you complete me, this is an all inclusive love, an weatherproof, unlimited, and priceless love and I am glad to have met you so I can pour it all over you. I love u boo..

When

My only question that I continue to ask repetively is when...

When will I find true, undying, unconditional, unbreakable love?

When will will passion, charisma, honesty, and truth find me?

When can I breathe, smile, dance, laugh, and cry for the sake of that immovable reciprocable love that one only dreams about?

When will I be able to touch love, smell love, hear love, feel love?

When will I know if love is for me, is designed for me, is mine all mine?

When, just when will it happen, when will I be able to look love in the eyes and get lost in love, when will love reveal himself to me?

When can I be free in love, give away this love, spread this love like lotion all over him?

When will love accept me?


When?

One Day

One day.....
One day you will feel me,
One day you will see me,
One day you will love me, but will that all be enough

One day you will long for me, want me, need me, but will that day be soon enough

One day you will care for me,
One day you will cherish me,
One day you will cry for me, but will I want you then?

Is that one day a promise that I will be here?

Never Knew

Wow, I never knew I would ever get this in my life....
never knew it would happen and I be glad of it,
never thought I would be as confident as I am about it....
Dang, I never knew....
Never knew it would be YOU....
Never knew that I would be happy that you would crowd my space and I would love it...
Never knew that you could hold my heart in your hands...
Never knew that it would be you that I would be happy with....
I thank God for YOU!!!!!!!!

confusion

In a simple state of confusion,
Confusion as to why you entered my life
Confusion as to why you matter
Confusion as to why I even care,
Confusion

Confusion is what I am feeling because I let you invade my space, enter my heart, made me care and I am loosing ground.

Confusion a simple state of confusion that won't last after tomorrow. Get a grip girl.

What is love

Can someone tell me what love is? Someone told me that love was and should be unconditional. But how do you find unconditional love and how does unconditional love find you?

Before I leave

Before I leave this world I want to love.....
I want to have a loving passionate relationship with my Father in Heaven.
I want to make sure my children understand how much I love them and how much of a joy they are to me...
I want to make sure my dad, mom and stepparents know how much I appreciate who they have become in my life...
I want my brother to remember me with a smile and excel in my name.

I want to know what true, unconditional love feels like from a man....
Before I leave this world

The funniest thing that happened

Ok, so I usually don't get too candid with my personal life on line but I really gotta make someone laugh as much as I did today. So I had been dealing with this guy here, he's younger than me and over the course of a couple of weeks him and I just drifted apart. No beef no arguing he was just too needy and that doesn't fit into my plans right now or later. So I go into the grocery store and I see his young acting self and this mofo starts running.....I mean literally running around in the store like I was gonna say something to him. The funny thing about it was he was with some woman who looked like she was about 35, and he kept leaving her. She was talking to him and he just kept running from her and the poor thing was just looking as dumb as can be. I couldn't stop laughing, I was laughing so hard that I had tears in my eyes. The other thing was that I was on the phone with my homegirl and wasn't paying him any attention. His azz should run in a 5k marathon the way he was breaking out in that store.

I don't understand why though, we were never in a relationship, I never had expectations, don't know why he thought he had to run and lie.....i'm still laughing at that shit. lol

I love u (not finished)

I love you boy....I love you from the top of your dreads, your dark skin that reminds me of creamy milk chocolate or double fudge cookies that have been left in the oven too long. I love your sexy brown eyes and the way they stare at me, when I have to look up to you...them soft juicy lips that drive me crazy when you kiss me. I love the way your deep voice calls out "Cha" come here, or when you call and say " how was your day baby" ? I love the way your breath feels on my neck when you embrace me. I love the way your chest feels when I lay my head on you when you are in the bed watching the game. I love the way your strong manly hands feel when you rub all over me, when you touch me and take me to ecstacy. Man you just don't know how safe I feel when you hold me tight during our love making sessions, during our long talks that last into the wee hours of the night. I love the way your legs feel pressed up again mine, the muscular shape of them as if you have been playing ball all of your life, they way they support the strong manly 6'4 stature of the great man you are.



Oh, I love you man. I love the way you looked the other night with your polo shirt on, nice big boy jeans and those J's to match the fitted. You just don't know what you do you to me when you dress like the D boys....don't get me wrong, I love the way you switch that swag up to carry on with your professional life the way you do. Damn boy you just don't know what you do to me. The only problem is, you're only in my dreams.

Reminiscing

I am sitting back looking at my 32 years and I must say that I have been blessed. I grew up with 3 parents, my mom, step dad and my dad. My dad was and still is the love of my life. I am the true definition of a daddy's girl. It was my dad who took me on my first date @ 12, he surprised me with a dozen of roses and quality time, he surprised me also because he was in the military and he made me feel special. I won't ever forget my 12th birthday. Honestly that should have set the tone of what kind of man I should have been paired with but instead I attracted the opposite.
But nonetheless I still have managed to think of all of the times God has provided for me. I have met some wonderful people in my life mean the world to me and I won't loose them for the world. The people in my past whom I had differences with realize that I am still a great person. I have been blessed with the most beautiful, wonderful, terrible, different, aggravating, loving, mean and remarkable little creatures that I think I could ever be blesssed with. I wouldn't trade them for the world either. I have also had some health issues that have made me re think the way I run off at the mouth and treat people. and bottom line is I LOVE PEOPLE.......

Have I

Have I smiled at you enough to show you how much you fascinate me????
Have I kissed you enough to show you how much I adore you????
Have I held your hand enough to know how much I enjoy your touch????
Have I looked into your eyes enough to show you how safe I feel with you??
Haven't I made love to you like you were the last man in the universe???

If you can answer yes to any of these questions then why are you acting as if you don't know my feelings.

Boy please (Resume Review)

Why is it that every time you see me you are trying to get my number or come to me with those week azz lines that I really don't feel like falling for. Maybe if you had caught me down the street on low self esteem lane or fall for anything court, I would have feel for your typical lines, but since you here you may as well sit down enjoy the ride and let me ask you a few questions about this resume you have given me.

Ok so here goes, do you have any goals? How about short term goals or long term goals? Or better yet where do you see yourself in 5 years? Cause if you don't know where you are heading, how can you have direction. Do you currently have a job or career? Do you like your current employer? Do you have an IRA or 401K plan set up for your retirement? Do you have a bank account and established credit? A job is just the stepping stone for a career, and if you have yourself set up for success in the long run , that means you have major plans for your life. Do you have a car? If accepted for your friendship, I just wanna make sure I don't have to drive to every movie or dinner date. Do you have any kids? If so how many? How many baby's mommas do you have? Are you just a father, daddy, sperm donor, or DNA provider? I'm just trying to see if what your relationship pattern is and if you know how to let go and just be a father and be friends with your child/children's mother. Do you have any mental issues or possessive traits? I just need to make sure you don't try to hurt me or act crazy when I do something to benefit me and mine. Why do you think that everywoman wants to be your lover, girlfriend, or wife? What makes you friend, lover, boyfriend, husband or shit even cut friend material? What do you have to bring into this friendship/relationship that will COMPLIMENT me? Just want to make sure you are not overly confident in yourself, over confident in ways that your feelings may get hurt or you may be brought back to reality. What is it that made you wanna stop and apply for employment with me? I just wanna make sure you are up for the job, that you can sustain long tiring demanding hours. And why do you think that since I am an older woman that I am weak, despearate, and just plain stupid. Just know that whatever happens will only happen because I want it to . Can a woman feel secure or safe in letting you take control of the friendship/relationship? And would you be worried about what another brother can bring to the table? If your up on your game no one could come between or break the foundation that you built.

Last question on this interview? Why should you be selected for this position? What is so unique about you that would make me select you and not someone else?

Little girl please part 2

Little girl,
Do you love yourself? Do you have any self worth or self esteem issues? I truly don't think that you love yourself because if you did you will take note and think about these things.
Do you think you are worthy of a man loving you from his heart and soul all while loving God?Do you think that if your man was true he would make you feel great outside of the bedroom? Do you find yourself compromising who you are for the sake of having a man?Have you been in a relationship with him more than 90 days and he has helped to contribute to your happiness in any way?
Now also think of any trust issues you may have, if any of course. Do you have problems with other women being an issue in your relationship like late night calling, texting, popping up at the wrong time. If so that COULD be a pattern and after it has been addressed it shouldn't continue but honestly would you want to be with a man who you can't trust at the begininning of your relationship? What is his relationship patterns? How many women seem to be too crazy about him? How many kids and baby mommas is important also? Does he honestly seem like he needs/wants to be in a relationship or even a friendship?
Now after you have analyzed all of this and you still want to give it a try....ask urself these questions and see if your ready....
What kind of contributiion can you bring into a friendship/relationship with a man? What kind of baggage are you bringing with you i.e...old feelings, baby daddies, drama..A really doesn't need all of that if he's real and trying to be what God designed him to be..What is your bank account like, you need to have your own so you can show a man that you are stong even though you trust him to be the man in the relationship? What is your track record like...if you let everyone test drive you do you think that you will ever be chosen? stop looking for a man...if he is yours and he really wants you, looks at you like you are the only woman in the world, then give him a chance. Also stop looking at the worldly possessions, his hand size and shoe size. If he has a size 14 that doesn't mean he can please you...all it means is that he has a big foot and hopefully he's tall. lol. Lastly, stop thinking that everyman is a captain save a ho...get your own, be comfortable being with yourself and loving yourself and then he will come to you. Don't no man want a broke down girl, with baggage and issues from the past lingering in her life.
I hope you get this lesson and take heed, love him but LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.....

Little girl please (facebook repost)

Girl, If he is your man now enjoy him, let what you and him have be about you and him. Stop worrying about what he and I share or did share, because truly it doesn't concern you. And at any rate why would you wanna know how much he and I really care about one another. Why would you wanna know that I will always be in his life regardless of who you become. Get some business about yourself and quit worrying about mine, quit trying to compete with me, there is no competition. Did you not know that I am Cha, Charmaine, Ms. Cha to you, and to him, I am the only one that can stimulate him mind, body and soul. So be true to yourself and be with him, as you and I will never cross paths, cause baby, I will be the one he runs to when you are not around, when you hurt him, lie to him, mistreat him, or when he's just plain tired of you. I will always be the FRIEND he needs, wants and desires, so once again don't try to compete with me. He may make you feel like the only woman in the world and that's good but once again don't worry about me. Worry about how you will keep him, cause at the end of the day, I don't want what you share, I don't need him to validate me, I don't need him to show me temporary gratification just for the sake of me saying I have a man. You can keep him with all that boo.

Can Men and Women Be friends

Okay question for today is can men and women be friends. I think so, I truly think that men and women can be friends regardless of what went on between them. Just as long at the man and woman are adult and truly want the friendship it can happen. Being in a friendship is just as being in a relationship, you must set boundaries and know what you want out of the friendship.

Difference between scorned and crazy

Ok, so I truly realized today that there is a difference between a woman scorned and a woman that is just plain fucking crazy.....now the situation was that a woman that I thought was a scorned woman or whatever hacked into her exes facebook, myspace, and email accounts. She did screen shots of personal threads of her ex and women in his life, now some of the threads were graphic but none the less were personal and only for him and the women he sent them too. He is in a relationship with someone else but this girl, ( I WON'T GIVE HER THE TITLE OF WOMAN BECAUSE CLEARLY SHE DOESN'T DESERVE IT) decided that she wouldn't put the current girls emails out there just the ones with the other women. She then put him on another site just to slander his name. But little did she know she ended up hurting herself because he is still with his girl (it probably made his relationship with her stronger) and the women that she tried to put on blast are still in his life as his friend. Now my question is, why in the hell would she try to put him on blast only to have it back fire on her. Now first of all, she wasted all her time and didn't sleep much because of her misery. Some of the women she tried to put on blast weren't his friends on these various sites but she put out friend requests at like 2 am. She then was the first to respond after everyone was pretty much quiet about the whole situation. But nonetheless she made herself look like a fool because EVERYONE eventually knew it was her. Now what I would like to know is why is she wasting her valuable time worrying about a man that is in FL and she is in CT? Then she is a young woman that is in the military, don't they have men in CT? Don't they have eligible bachelors in her branch of the military? I mean come on now wtf? Has she made the men in her reach not deal with her because she truly is psycho? That is one of those things that make u say hmmmmmmmm......I just don't understand why, damn or maybe brother just put it down like that? I guess she just never had anyone else. She really needs to love herself because trying to validate herself worth in a man will fail her everytime..I hope she gets the help that she truly deserves,.........sighs....

A Letter to the scorned woman

Sweetheart,
Why must you try to bring other people down in your rage? Whatever he did to you he may have done to other women as well. What makes your feelings different than the other women you tried to expose? Why should they be the target of your dagger? Why not him, he's the one that deceived you, hurt you, betrayed you and lied to you just as he did those other women? What makes you exempt from the drama you are exposing to others? You may not be the other one that is hurting but think about it, you are proving that you are hurt, you are proving that he has gotten the last laugh...why not put your game face on, put on a fuckem dress, and move on because it's clear that your heart is hurting. Trust me, I have been in the same situation, made myself available to men, maybe even him but just know that regardless of how much you love him, just know that you have to love yourself more. You have to love yourself to know that he will probably be smiling about this tomorrow, this will be the biggest topic of discussion with his boys because YOU tried to pull his card and actually exposed yourself in the process. I truly hope it works out and your heart heals from all of this....A woman scorned is something very serious.....brothers take heed.....

Isn't it funny (facebook repost)

First off I think its funny that some people think that my notes are about them.....why, but if they are about you then you must feel like a little celebrity...if you get upset about what you read then I won't apologize, stay the eff off my page and find someone elses profile to nose around on. I love me, bottom line, I love my children and the people in my life I love them as well so I will warn you, take caution as to how you react to me because I am loved by soooooooo many and hated by so few. So if you take up all your energy hating me or concerning yourself in MY shit then u get what u deserve. Be happy, live your life, allow yourself to love and let me enjoy me and my life, and the people in it. I could care less about who you are, what you do, who the eff your doing because that is none of my damn business.....alll I can account for is Charmaine and her kids...now if u eff with them then may God help you because they aren't apart of the the deal when it comes to effing with me....so I must warn you, watch your walk and if you wanna walk in my shoes, here you go but let me give you a taste of what u are dealing with.....I am Charmaine Nicole McCarthy, I love hard, but I love me harder, some may say that I am conceited but I am not.....you will either hate me or love me...take your pic....I am the mother to 3 beautiful, yet wonderful human beings....I am the daughter of Zach and Wendy, the sister of a Marine by the name of Amari who will hurt anyone that hurts me....don't believe me...try him, Oh by the way...I am a daddy's girl to my bone......I am the best friend of Ayana and the aunt of Kelan...I am repping the class of 1995 and a GA peach till the day I die....I have aunts and uncles that love me tenderly and feel the same as my brother....just cross me....we roll hard....I am the lover of books, travel and of course my blackberry....never leave home with out it....I have great friends who I have known since elementary both men and women.....I have a lust for life, meaning, I now know how to enjoy every minute of my life without worrying if I will ever have a man to reciprocate the love that I give him.....everyone is not ready for my undying unconditional ride or die love.......lastly I am a BREAST CANCER SURVIVOR.....originally diagnosed January 4, 2009, fought it, beat it and will do it again.....So if you ever worry about why I don't worry about you, why I don't try to be friend you, it's only cause I don't have time for fake or phonyness....I need real in my life.....how can we compliment each other....how can we benefit each other.....if you can't answer that with a real answer that vamose SOB.....Cause Cha doesn't need your drama to stress me out..........


Eyes closed on them

Your love is worst than cancer (facebook note repost)

This 4 letter word that you use alot when you talk to me has infected my heart......it has caused major damage, eating at the core of my heart.....My heart no longer beats with the rhythmic, pulsating beats of love....it just beats, beats with no meaning, like the life it once known has drifted away..Oh how I want to have the chemo and radiation started ASAP because my heart no longer beats for you...this huge carcinoma known has you has damaged the internal being of love, lust, infatuation, bliss, etc....All because of your lies and your harmful ways...please just give me back my heart, give me back the love I once knew, the heart that once dreamed of a happy ending, the heart that pumped the same beat as yours....After all is said and done....thanks for the fight of my life, thanks for tearing away the feelings of my heart, the vessels, the inside of it for I am in remission........I am free, free to smile, free to love, free to be me.....I have beat you at your own game once and I am prepared to do it again.....I am finally cancer free- free from you.......

Accept and Appreciate

While conversating about the purpose of being on earth i was told that there are two A's that I needed to understand and do. The first one was to accept that God sparred my life and that he loves me and I needed to Appreciate his Grace and live my life more in the design he has for my life.....Can you accept and appreciate......

When I woke up

OMG, there he was, skin smooth and dark like the richest dark chocolate that I think I have seen....now he was about 6'3 which means that will heels, he won't be shorter than me which is still cool but he started talking to me and the first thing that comes to my mind is that he is the typical young brother trying to run game but his conversation was intellectual...it wasn't about him, he was one of the few brothers that wanted to hear about me, which is odd. So I think to myself should I put Angelica in drive and speed off or do I really wanna talk to him. So I stay, lol, I must admit I was mesmerized by his beauty, again his dark skin, his perfect white teeth, full lips that looks like he could cool a whole pot of soup in one blow, his deep dimples, his politeness, his confidence (most men have a problem with my mouth) but he looked at me like I he was scultping a piece of art, like I was his Ruby Dee to his Ossie. He opens my car door, reaches for my hand and pull me out. While he's gazing into my eyes, he takes my hands into him and grabs my face, he then plants three kisses on me. One on my forhead, one on my nose and one lips....I'm freaking out because he's a complete stranger. I do something out of the ordinary and kiss him back. He has his locs up so i do something that I wanted to do when I first saw them, pull them out of the band he had them in a ran my fingers through them, next thing I know he has picked me up and I am enjoying this public display of affection that this complete stranger is giving me. Its pouring raining outside and I feel my wet clothes sticking to my body, my hair to my face and all of a sudden.....I hear my son calling my name, telling me he's hungry........all I can say is WOW.....

What is really going on??????

As I lay here in bed with insomnia of course I am thinking of the things that is going on in the world. A friend told me about a guy that shot two females a couple of days ago in ATL because they rejected him...I was like WTF? Now how in the world can a brother get mad because they wouldn't talk to him? Did he not know that these ladies may have had issues, could have had men themselves or just probably thought he was crazy? Was he just that desperate that he had to have one of those women or both of them? Was he that hard up for a woman? Did these women look like the most beautiful women in the world to him? Does he have a chemical dependency that altered his thinking? Or was he just that damn crazy? Or could it be that he really knew them and it hasn't come out yet? What ever the case maybe, I really reach out to the family of those women and also to his family because clearly he needs help.

About Me

About me, I am Charmaine and I love to blog. I don't claim to be a journalist or anything just love to put my thoughts on paper so where else is a better place but to blog. I love to read, I love to travel, and I absolutely love music. I am a single mother of 3 wonderful children that mean the world to me and I have a brother that absolutely adores me as much as I adore him. Feel free to follow me, if not read my blogs and comment as I love to hear honest feedback.

Until we talk, take care,

Charmaine